OMG i, fatty

Day 2: Fell asleep after midnight

the night before so I feel a little crazy this morning.  Hopefully, I can fall into a good pattern of sleeping before 10pm so I can wake up in the morning to go work out.  It’s happened. Just have to turn off the tv!

Breakfast: an espresso + agave nectar (super tasty. I thought I would be missing the honey I’ve been putting in my coffee for years more. I know it’s a superfood but also has the same calories as pure sugar.) and 1 egg and 1 fake chick’n patty from Gardein. As I am trying to go down on the bread intake, I thought I would go up on the protein.  It was ok.  Sparkpeople added that up to about 160 calories - I will round up to 200.  I suddenly have a lot more calories to play with without bread, crying out loud!

Will update after lunch.  

Lunch Update:

Another big salad from the salad bar.  Only veggies and protein, + an accidental dollop of barley. Which is carby but a slow carb. I don’t know how it helps or hinders but it was good.  What was fun was googling barley’s carbyness at lunch.  Good fun. 

Day 1: I refuse

to have another new year’s resolution where I want to lose weight.  I am DONE. I have to lose weight and change my lifestyle in 2012. My mom had her first heart problems in her early 40s - which is not as far away for me as I had hoped. 

So, I have decided on a lower carb diet.  Since I am a vegetarian, I am mostly going to focus on beans, vegetables, a few fruits, and proteins like soy and eggs, with carbs like brown rice once a day.  I think I need to watch the sugar, including cutting down on honey.  Cutting down on cow milk products and going towards goat/sheep milk products, but also cutting down on the amount of cheese and chocolate/desserts.  

I have to keep myself honest.  

This  morning, I made a green smoothie and had an espresso with agave nectar:

Green Smoothie:

Half cup of Goat Milk Kefir (low shuga!)

Blended water + kale. A handful and a half.

1 Banana  (I know the hardcore sugar free people aren’t eating fruits. But that seems like something I am unlikely to continue after I lose weight, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.)

1 frozen strawberry

1 tablespoon of frozen blueberries

1 tablespoon of flaxseed

Wasn’t bad and I am not hungry 4 hours later.  Will update with meals throughout the day. Today is crazy because I wasn’t able to cook this weekend, for the week, and I have class today right after work.  Will focus on salad with tofu for lunch and something similar for dinner.  

Started on my first giant mug of water at 10am. 

Update: 1:35pm.

Lunch a giant $10 salad from the salad bar at lunch.  No pasta, only veggies and a bean medley.  No dressing because a few veggies are marinated in something.  1 hard boiled egg.  Water.  Will have to figure out what to eat at 5, before I leave work for class!

Update 9:39am the next morning.

Got home from class by 10:15pm, and wasn’t starving though I hadn’t eaten since lunch. I debated not eating but did it anyway.  (I probably will stick to not eating after 7pm or 8pm starting today.)  I stir fried garlic, baby bok choy and mushrooms, and added a bag of shirataki noodles. (God, have you used these things? They are bloody marvelous. I have a feeling they are going to be a big part of this diet. Since I can’t figure out spaghetti squash to save my life.)

And I had a bit of some vegan sugar less  raw chocolate bar. It was fine. But unnecessary at 10pm, SRSLY.  

Good start!  

Joined the gym!

Seems really cute, and less than 3 blocks from my new place.  Did 45 minutes on the elliptical today, burned 500+ calories (or so they say). 

Tha plan, stan:

Cardio 5-7 times a week (45 minutes)

Strength training 3-4 times a week. 

And whatever I can do in the middle. Like yoga stuff. etc.  

In it now. I think the plan is still 50 pounds, but I haven’t stepped on a scale in many moons. As soon as I do, you’ll be the first to know. Prumise.

Psych. Now I’m back. In it.

Wow, it’s been a ridiculous 2011. Got a new job, so obvs needed to travel for a three months in america and india before the job. Then went through the most hellish move ever because I never do it and can’t understand why a 1 BR where i lived for 7 years doesn’t fit into 10 boxes.  Ugh! Now living in DC after 8 years on the west coast in the middle of the devil’s belly of a heat wave. 111 degrees! I’m here! Well, almost here. Moving into my permanent apartment next week. Then I’ll be there!

The good thing about working full time (and not consulting from my apartment) is the way I can plan and execute my meals. It’s really hot, so during the day I am trying to stick with salads or frozen meals (Trader Joe’s reduced guilt!) with extra veggies; a bit of almonds and fruits and sometimes plain greek yogurt to take the edge off.  

Mornings are really quick coffee and high protein, so I don’t get hungry too early… Egg, toast, coffee.  I am trying to stick with the fresh and vibrant foods, but have no shame with processed meals either. Makes it easier to count the calories.  *But do try to watch the sugar…

This weekend, I am joining the gym. Which will be two short blocks to my permanent apartment.  Since I don’t have a real social life here yet, I get to work out in the evenings. Before falling asleep at 10pm.  Life is sweet and low crazy. 

But the weight loss does mean a lot to me because I a) don’t feel cute anymore since I gained like 15 pounds since 2009 (+ my 30 pounds I needed to lose from before) and 2) I look like hell in professional clothes. So frumpy. It’s horrifying. So, no pressure, but I just need to step up my game. I have 5 months before the end of the year. Let’s see what I can do before then.

1. Eat really green, grain and healthy.

2. 100 ounces of water a day. (may need more. see: devil’s belly above.)

3.  45 minutes of cardio a day. + 30 minutes of strength training/yoga etc. 3 -5 times a week.

4.  Be kind to myself.

As soon as I get a scale, I will start doing a weekly check-in. 

OMG,iBack. Commence the Weekly check-in.

Wow, it’s been an amazing 3 months. Got a new job that I start in July, so I went traveling for a few months to India, and then did a little blitz through America to a few coasts.  It was awesome. Now I am packing up to leave San Francisco (9 years!) to start a new job on the East Coast.  And I am surrounded by boxes and bit and pieces of my life, and trying to get on top of eating well and exercising well.  The goal remains - 50lbs to lose. Exercise. Eating well.  New life, new ass? Let’s do this together.

Now, I think I will be doing a combination of counting calories and exercising daily.  

Weekly Check in:

6.14.11 - 50 lbs. to lose.  Darlings, let us do this together.

1.12.11

Today marks 3/3 days of exercising! Boot camp Monday & Wednesday, a bit of running at the gym on Tuesday.  Tuesday was super exciting because I stayed on the treadmill for 40 minutes and ran for half of it! The bad thing was I did it in the evening, and then had low energy for bootcamp this morning.  Where we did a fun run through hilly SF; I did walk more than I should have, but it was fine. My heartrate was up. 

My days have suddenly gotten a lot more busy and stressful; let’s see how I handle it…

1.11.11

12:46pm

So this is day 2 of the rest of my life, and I feel fine.  

I did boot camp yesterday, got a little dizzy and tired near the end of it unexpectedly, (unexpected because I slept 4 hours the night before?) drank 1/3 of the water I was supposed to for the day, cooked a little and then ate cookies last night for dessert.  Slept ridiculously late last night.

It was a start.  

Today, I overslept, so missed bootcamp. But will go to the gym to get cardio in, and try to squeeze in some yoga. 

Busy day, and am exhausted already. Hey-o.

Monday, Monday…

to quote the reminder email re: boot camp starting Monday morning…now I can’t get the Mamas & the Papas out of my head…

And now it’s in your head. Misery loves company! and soothing 60s harmonies…

So, as promised, I have thought about what it is I want to be this year.  It isn’t that I want to be thin, and make my life perfect. I do want to lose weight and look cute and feel good, with the emphasis on feeling good.  But what I really want to do is have more fun - get out of my head and stop worrying about the details so much that I am paralyzed. It’s a road that goes nowhere. While the devil may be in the details, that devil is awfully heavy on my shoulders, stopping me from doing what I want. Worrying too much.

My road has been a little hazy, and it’s time to let that heaviness lift.  I am ready to spring for what I want and get hurt and bruised in the process; being safe has gotten me in a rut. Throw caution to the wind; be safe but be willing to make an ass out of myself.

FAILURE is an option and one that will make you grow. - beating this into my head

Is this too vague? I guess it is.  In a more concrete way, I am stepping out and trying to date more.  A friend gave me a speed dating certificate, randomly, and just re-started my account on a dating site.  I am committed to eating much better, exercising every day in some way. I want to read one good book a week. 

My favorite astrologist is a stunning San Francisco lady, and her words for me this week were so accurate:

PSYCHIC DREAM ASTROLOGY: JANUARY 5 - JANUARY 11, 2011

VIRGO 

Aug 23-Sept 22

Allow yourself to delve into your greatest wishes, Virgo. You are in a great place to manifest things, but if you are not careful you will manifest your fears! Think positive and dream of happiness, pal.

Starting 2011 @ +50 lbs.  Let’s see what the future holds. I will update every day, to try to keep myself honest.

Excited about my new shoes!

Which are the same as my old shoes, but my hamstrings will not tense up in the new ones. I assume.  I feel like there’s a song in here somewhere…istanbul, not constantinople?

And the holidays are now ovah, meaning I get no excuses to not do the exercise.  The boot camp doesn’t start until next week, but I get to go to the gym for the first time in weeks tomorrow. In my new blue shoes! Same as the old shoes! For high arches.

I also will use my two month, 24 class Bikram Yoga groupon, starting this week. Here’s to not passing out! Or at least doing it not in the front of the class. I can pass out when I get home.  

My goals will be set tomorrow - new year’s resolutions, fine. Set tomorrow and they have to be doozies or I do nothing. Nothing, I tell you. Should have a long, navel gazer for you tomorrow.

No juice por vous! (Er, me.) - Fail!

When I left you last, I was attempting a 3-5 day juice cleanse.  I had such dreams, wild and wooly, of getting through the days and nights and giving my body a rest from digesting. For the record, I actually got a little further into the juicing adventure than I thought I would.  Like by a few more hours. So, most of Monday.  The juices were delish, but I am weak of flesh.

The day started off fine, as I kept drinking juice, water, a bit of fiber shake through lunch.  I thought I was going to lose it between the hours of 4pm-8pm.  Sigh. I talked to Teresa about it, and she knew exactly what I was talking about, the craziness as the day became evening.  Time slows down so much, and your mind speeds up.  Those are the toxins, plucking the withdrawal strings in your head.  I ate an english muffin and some gardein chicken nuggets for dinner.    

Like I said, I enjoy the idea of resetting my eating habits. I feel like I am getting closer. I got over the Thanksgiving hangover like yesterday, but managed to get through the start of the Christmas nonsense without stuffing my face, Christmas parties galore.  

I just landed “home” for the holidays, and feeling a bit concerned about the sheer number of cookies* I see around the corner! Hopefully, I will get my new running shoes in the mail this week, and I can at least get a little exercise, running around the neighborhood.  My brother even has a giant bowflex that dwarfs the playroom, so the strength training could be easy.  

The holiday & new year resolutions: I just want to enjoy myself more. Enjoy everything, have more fun. This fits me in all sorts of way: have more fun with my body, exploring my physical limits with exercise and healthy food. The nuts and bolts resolutions: lose weight this year (still 50 lbs), exercise every day, get more clients for my business, spice up my social life.  Life is too short.  It sounds so trite, but at the core is I want to stop all the negativity that is in my head. Relax.  Focus on what needs to be done, instead of what wasn’t done before. 

I came to a realization this past year.  I was watching the movie “New York, I Love You.” Which was pretty mediocre, with a lot of star power.  Each story was forgettable, fluffy. I was a bit annoyed, but kept watching.  Halfway maybe, I saw one story with two of my favorite actors: Robin Wright and Chris “Hotness” Cooper.  I am telling you - their scene was incredible. They were crackling on the screen, the intensity, the sexiness, was off. the. charts. And I cried like a baby watching it. And I thought to myself then - I want to live my life looking at the good, for the good, instead of focusing on the negative. Had I gotten annoyed and turned the movie off because of the mediocrity, I would have missed a beautiful scene.  It was worth it, wading through the white noise to see that.

A little muddled in words, but a good goal. I’ll be exploring more this coming year.

*Christmas tradition in our home: Neiman Marcus cookies.  They are uh-mazing. And deadly.

Careful what you wish for…

I had a wish, I did,  going into this healthy thing - to get addicted to exercise and clean living, so much so that when I didn’t exercise, I would feel terrible and immediately strap the shoes back on.  

I tell you, Thanksgiving knocked me sideways.  I woke up every morning, laughed at the running shoes I brought with me all the way from San Francisco to the Deep South, and ate poorly, sitting around with the fam.  It was awesome but terrible, and spread to two weeks of no exercise, even upon my return.  I was a mess.  I gained five pounds.

After working out again for a week, I am starting to feel normal again.  Well, as normal as possible.  I decided to take it one step further: Teresa was offering a juice/food cleanse for this week and I decided to take her up on it.

I have been wanting to change something in my diet.  I try to stick with healthy foods for most of the time, but I am lazy vegetarian who loves tasty food. Which means a lot of cheese…num num num. MMMM.  So, I decided to take a few days off from eating to try the juice diet - I would love to do it for the 5 days. Let’s see.  Again, this isn’t a diet, just a cleansing of the palate. So to speak.

My goals are a) to get through this, obviously, but b) to also reset my cravings for sugar, cheese, carbs.  I don’t care about my caffeine addiction, because I really am fine with just drinking one cup of coffee a day.  This cleanse is supposed to reset your body, but I’m adding a cup of green tea in the mornings.  The caffeine withdrawal is not worth it, and my coffee is a ritual.  c) I also need to up my water intake. I think I am dehydrated all the time, and it’s only getting worse as I run the heat in the apartment! 

So, I got my pink bag at the workout this morning, full of homemade juices and broths and instructions to drink a lot of water in between each “meal”.  I think it’s going to be fine, but check with me when I start hallucinating.

Day 1:

Already had my smoothie and green tea.  Need to drink some water.  Stay tuned.

Feeling good.

And, we are currently in the middle of the second “Don’t call it a bootcamp” outdoor adventure with the awesome Teresa Marchese.  6 weeks, last stop until December 17.  Unfortunately, I am unable to make it every day, due to holiday travel and some classes here and there, but getting to run up and down hills and stairs, strength train, and just generally build muscle is amazing.  I am feeling stronger.  I can run up stairs faster, and do more push-ups, and more sit-ups.  IN fact, I didn’t write after we finished the last challenge, but I have lost an inch off many body parts, lost a few percentage points in body fat, SHAVED 10 seconds off my run up stairs, and doubled and tripled my push up/sit-up abilities.  After 20 days.  Fricking marvelous. 

And I am holding myself differently.  I have lived my life pretty disconnected from my body.  Even when I worked out before or trained for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer/ Death March to Bataan (two years!), I wasn’t engaged mind and body, and thoughtful about what muscles were being used.  This class has been really eye-opening - I think and breathe when I kick my leg up or when I squat or do these freak jumping jacks/Scissor kicks off a curb.  (Goddamn, those suck.) I concentrate. Focus. Italicize with abandon.  The stretching at the end of each session is key, as I feel the muscles and start to understand how the body is put together.  If I want to engage my core more, I hold my body a certain way and it isn’t the way it’s been held, lemme tell ya.

A somewhat related note is the emotional side of getting into shape, and not turning to food for comfort.  A friend/therapist told me once that as I lose weight, the “issue is in the tissue.” Meaning that once I start burning the fat and whatnot, the emotions will start surfacing.  From the melting fat.  (Yum!).  Seriously though, that phrase has actually gotten me through a lot of emotional upheaval.  When I start feeling down and defeated about normal every day silliness, I realize these are normal, human emotions and reactions and that this means a) I’m getting in touch with emotions, b) I don’t need to eat something to make it go away. It’s fine. and c) the fat is melting away so the emotions are surfacing.  And when I think of my thighs getting smaller, I get happy and go floss my teeth or something.  

iDumb, today!

Lord, what a cranky day!  Bootcamp: raining, no sleep last night, i couldn’t focus on anything.  My poor partner in boxing, i couldn’t wrap my head around how to hold the pads! Poor girl.

But, I went out and it was done.  Today, Ima try some of that yoga-lates and see if that feels good.  Serenity NOW!

SO CRANKY.

Back in the saddle again…

Went to Boot camp this morning and it was good - I sweated more than I expected, but I maybe that was just the sickness escaping, el diablo.  It was a perfect day back, a hike/job through the Land’s End trail.  Not too strenuous, but my heart rate was elevated for the whole time.  Now, I am back home and about to pop a Yoga-lates DVD in to stretch and stuff.  Or maybe I’ll hop to the gym & get on the elliptical first. It’s anybody’s guess at this point, but the point is: I’m up & at em after coughing up bits of pancreas for the last few days…

Yargh.

Been sick as a dog since Sunday.  I never get sick, so I am extra whiny and helpless when I do.  Skipped a few days of bootcamp, but hope to hop back in tomorrow.  

Whine Whine Whine! Went to the horrible Lucky’s down the street for the cold & flu meds, and we zombies roaming that aisle were a sight to see.  Also, Day-Quil knocks me out like Ny-Quil does; I don’t understand that one. 

Currently watching The Giants whup some Philly butt, as I cough.